Ode to Brother Bear & Sweet Sis

Last Sunday was my brother's 40th wedding anniversary. For some reason that seems like a miracle to me. Not the fact that the same wife stayed with him forty years...just that anyone can be married that long. I was only married 13 years, and my parents (D/T my mom's death) were only married 35 years.

I grew up adoring Brother Bear. He's 4 years my senior, so always that much more experience to look up to. He carried around a b-b gun when we lived on my grandma's farm. When the neighbor's Brahma bulls looked toward us, he'd encourage me to be brave: "Hold your breath, don't show fear, and when I say so - RUN!" I remember him cracking his very own bull's whip. Later, when I fell in love with Davy Crockett and Zorro, they didn't seem all that amazing. I felt like Brother Bear had had all these adventures before TV was even invented. I was sure he'd killed a b'ar or two while he was only three.

Brother Bear was allowed to ride his bike on fishing trips Down in the Valley. I was only allowed to go two driveways on each side away from home. I was never so thrilled as when he got a new bike and I inherrited his old reddish-purple one. I rode that one till I went away to college and passed it down to the next sibling.

He went with me to pick out my first prom dress and helped me decide to buy elbow length white gloves instead of wrist length. He taught me to slow dance and practiced with me so I wouldn't be too awkward.

He studied a lot and had a bedroom in the basement through college. We all had to be really quiet so he could work on calculus. If I was very stuck on a homework problem, I could go down and he'd help me on it. And sometimes while making himself a snack late at night, he would make me a "dagwood sandwhich" too. I loved those nights not so much for the snack as for the company.

I don't think I'd met Sweet Sis until the day of Bro Bear's college graduation. I had heard about an office girl where he worked during college - a girl he liked to flirt with. How I heard about her I have no idea. I'm sure he never would have told me about her! She turned out to be wonderful. She was sweet and smiled and didn't treat me like an obnoxious little sister. She probably thought I was a snob - Bro Bear had duly warned me before meeting her to keep my mouth shut and be polite.

They got married on 6-8-68. I was looking forward to having a sister and it had been a rough year for me away at school. Sweet Sis had asked me to be one of her six bridesmaids. Yes, she did! And, yes, I wore a dress. It was pink and long and I think it had an empire waist. I'm not sure but I think my shoes were pink, too. It was a Polish wedding and I was excited to see what it would be like. It was the first time I'd been in the Polish neighborhood and it seemed old-fashioned and sweet with buildings and shops clustered around the church. I remember looking at the outside of the church. It was built of grey stone and had Polish writing on the outside. Inside, in the undercroft, a couple men were already drinking! Yikes! After the Mass there was a formal sit-down breakfast for the families and wedding party complete with Polish meatballs. My then boyfriend had come with me and I think we sat together instead of at the main table. He was a small town boy and totally freaked out at the whole scene. When everyone started klanking their spoons against the glasses for someone to make a toast or to get the couple to kiss, he was horrified. I think this was the first wedding I'd ever been to, but I knew about the spoon klanking and thought it was so much fun. The tradition is for the bride and groom to go to each families' home and have a little welcoming drink and pastry or snadwiches. My boyfriend hid out in our backyard and I felt like I had to take care of him so I felt torn......But the bride was beautiful and even my brother looked pretty handsome. Later was the reception and I was looking forward to the traditional dances and the part where they take away the bride's veil and give her a broom. A pouting boyfriend and a tight girdle convinced me to leave before the dancing began.

Forty years. No boyfriend. No girdles. But still a wonderful sweet sister married to an adored brother.